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I Lost the Weight. Then I Lost the Shame.
How 141 Pounds Taught Me to Stop Judging Others — And Myself
“Wow, you look great!” they say, their eyes wide, smiling. I nod and smile back, but inside I wonder — what exactly are they praising? My shrinking body? My discipline? My worth?
The Weight of Expectations
I have struggled with my weight since I graduated from high school 40 years ago. I ran track and cross country from 5th grade through high school, and during that time, I could eat whatever I wanted and stay at a healthy weight. Not surprisingly, my weight, which was 117 pounds, started increasing as soon as I stopped running.
I am part of the “Barbie” generation, raised with the ideal of an unrealistically proportioned female body. Those of us who have ever had a “good body” know that this comes with plenty of positive feedback, even if it isn’t always solicited or wanted.
As a teenager, I was very comfortable in my body because I knew I fit society’s definition of a healthy weight. In college, I began gaining weight, and when I got engaged, part of my planning included adjustments to my diet and fitness routine so I could reach the “ideal” weight of 135 pounds for my wedding.
